It's Tuesday February 2nd, there are 271 days until Sexy Halloween 2016, and I’m happy to announce that I’ve chosen a costume. Here it is:
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| TADAAAAAAAAAAA! |
"What the fuck is that?!" Is what I'm sure a lot of you are thinking. And you're right!!!
I believe it's a "meme," a "Snapchat" that went "viral" on "Reddit."
I'm 80% sure that I first saw it on one of those horrible Buzzfeed lists. You know, the really meaningless ones:
"43 people that literally could even in 2015!"
"You do relate to these 186 people who are totally nailing this whole crazy Monday fiasco! Yes."
"Look at 2600 pictures that we stole so we could sell you Caramel Toffee Fucking Peanut Butter Frappuccinos™."
Anyway, I love those lists. They're just the kind of empty stimulation that my ADD hummingbird brain craves when I'm trying to get something important done.
When I first happened upon "naked under the vaaapppeee," I laughed out loud for about three minutes. Try to do anything for three minutes-- that's a long damn time. I asked myself the question that every creative person has asked at one point or another: why didn't I think of that first?
I thought, I could have done that. But I didn’t.
Let me explain to you exactly why I think this is so funny.
Vaping
Vaping is so funny. It’s newest iteration of supreme American douchebaggery, so much so that it is commonly referred to as wearing a fedora-- for your mouth. I think it’s a riot because it does look cool sometimes, but at what cost? Dying alone? It has blossomed into its very own culture. There are vape shops and vape lounges popping up all over New York City. Just for reference: here’s one I strode past last week: Vaping
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| Nothing attracts assholes quite like a purple fluorescent light. That's nature. [picture: vapeya.com] |
I don’t think I’ll ever know if this "naked under the vaaapppeee" picture was taken in earnest. I like to imagine that this young man concocted this image as a romantic gesture. He took the picture using Snapchat (An app on which you can send pictures that expire and disappear, for those of you not privy to Snapchat). So I can assume that he never intended to become a viral meme, let alone the subject of a hilarious blog. But every millennial knows that the internet is a place where things live forever. Nothing is ever truly deleted. This vapist took a bold risk, and for that he will forever live in infamy.
It’s a Rom Com
What could be funnier than sexting gone wrong? It’s a texting version of the rom com fodder we’ve come to know and love from the late 1980’s through to the early 2000’s. Romantic blunders have been the subject of movies, sitcoms, even television commercials. This picture tells such a funny story in just a glance. It’s the Something About Mary of imgur.
"Im naked under the vaaapppeee," isn't what you'd call a blockbuster of a meme. It's only been viewed about 15,000 times on "imgur" ("reddit's" image "sharing" "platform.")
But it's a bit of a cult hit, having inspired multiple people on the Internet to try and conceal their own genitals in tobacco vapor for long enough to take a picture.
It's got parodies and reaction memes; INUTV is a teeny tiny lil internet phenom.
It meets standard gay Halloween criteria in that it's contains partial nudity. And it meets my own Halloween costume criteria in that I think it's fucking hilarious, just obscure enough, and will have to be crafted from scratch.
So now you can see why #SexyHalloween2016 is going to be such a difficult challenge. I essentially have to look good naked; it's right there in the name.
As of today, I've lost umm zero weight.
It's hard! And I wasn't prepared.
HOWEVER, I have taken strides in going to the gym 5 out of the 7 days since I last posted. That's much more than the twice-a-month schedule I was on before. I already feel better, I've got more energy, and (who knew) working out really regulates the 'ol digestive schedule.
This upcoming week is going to be all about changing the way I eat.
Check back next Tuesday for more on that.
LOL, That's my cousin!
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