As you may have gathered, I’ve blown off losing weight, getting fit, and writing this blog for the better part of two months. The good news is I’ve lost 10 pounds on this journey and I’ve kept it off. I should be at around 20 pounds down by this point but who’s counting? (Literally me, I am.)
BUT let me tell you something, I have been eating GOOD!
So many birthdays, work events and bon voyages have brought me to delicious and indulgent New York City dining establishments and I don’t regret a goddamn morsel. My priorities have always been set such that social gatherings and celebrations trump health and fitness.
As I do on every Sunday, I woke up at 2:00 pm and told myself that this is the week I’m getting back on track. Then I promptly went to a friends house and ate two thirds of a pound of spinach and artichoke dip. It wasn’t until about 4 that I read about the shooting in Orlando.
What a truly devastating event. When 49 young lives are taken from their families and their community, when a safe haven is breached with violent hate-fueled aggression, how can you figure out how to feel. Shock? Anger? Grief? Fear? Are my feelings even worthy of expression when 49 people have been torn from this earth? It all comes to the front of the line, and there’s nothing to do but to feel them-- and fuck it-- to eat them.
I’ve never been a church-going person, I don’t have strong cultural ties to any synagogues or mosques, but I think I finally understand the pain that comes with an attack on a holy ground.
I find myself thinking about the attacks on Emmanuel African Church in Charleston NC earlier this year and recognizing the pain in the sound clips in a way that I never could before. It’s a pain that comes from being attacked solely for gathering with like-minded people to express themselves freely, to celebrate each other and ultimately to exercise the right to be happy as afforded by the U.S. constitution.
I want to express my personal sympathy to the families and friends of the victims, to the community in Orlando that must be shaken to its core, and to every gay person that is, like me, grappling with this unique cocktail of fear and sadness. I want to express my sympathy to the Latino community at large, because there is no question in my mind that racism fueled this attack just as much as homophobia.
I don’t know how to wrap this up. I’m sad. I don’t know if anyone cares about my feelings on a national tragedy, but it’s healthier to write than to eat six dollar’s worth of dollar-pizza and after this is a blog about weight loss.
If you’re looking for something you can do:
Give blood if you’re in or around Orlando
Go to your local gay bar and fag out
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